Fear

I’m scared. I’m scared to write. I hate the idea of looking like an idiot, especially in a way that is permanent. I have something to say, but I don’t know if I have the words to say it.

Honestly, I know the truth: I have the words, but the screaming doubts are eroding my courage.

I am not a writer. I have nothing to say. I can’t spell anyway.

I have been scared to write since I was young. My handwriting and spelling were poor, and it was embarrassing. I love the writing and editing process, I enjoy the game of getting a paragraph to say EXACTLY what I want it to. But I gave in to my fears far too often to write anything substantial or consistent up until this point. I did fine in my college English classes and my writing has significantly improved with seminary, but I still feel that anxious gut feeling in my soul when I hit submit on a paper.

Fear is easy and comforting, since I’ve always been in this rut it’s a rut that I call home.

The negative talk echoes in my head bouncing off every part of my brain.

Truth is difficult because it challenges us and changes us.

The truth is, I am a writer. I am good at it.

I want my children to overcome their fears. I want them to be honest about their fear. I want them to have a father who overcomes his fears. So I will write.

Lord bless this journey, wherever it takes me.